Chemotherapy

I've watched many a movie that contained someone being executed in prison; some by lethal injection. It freaks me out! I'm not against capital punishment necessarily but I've heard some horror stories and they are as bad as any Friday the 13th movie. Take for example the case of Angel Nieves Diaz. It took 34 minutes for him to die. Oh my God!!

When I was finally told by my doctor the time had come for chemotherapy I was resigned and decided to start it quickly to get it over with. And then later I started thinking about lethal injections. What is chemo after all than a controlled dose of lethal drugs. Cytoxan and Vincristine attack both good and cancerous cells in the body. I had an appointment where the drugs and their effects and side-effects were described. I was then shown the infusion room. It's a large room with around 15 lounge type chairs and IV pump by each with a pole from which to hang the drugs. There were several people there receiving treatment. Some looked "normal" while several were very pale and had no hair. Wow! I would be here soon and hooked up and the drip would start and the good and bad cancer cells both would begin to die and part of me would die and hopefully it would destroy all the cancerous B-Cells and I could be just a normal person again and not a chemo patient.

Although I'd like this to be a private battle, I've told my friends who have told others. My wife has told friends and others as well so suddenly this isn't a private fight. Why would I prefer no one knew? I don't want to be known as John, the cancer patient or John, who is having chemotherapy. I'm not dying and so chemo isn't the same for me as it is for those who are fighting for their life. Granted without chemo I will die sooner rather than later but I don't feel people should worry about me. Worry about those who will certainly die and soon without chemo.

The first day of chemo, I had the strong desire to run! I sat in my chair and looked at the bags of stuff they were going to drip into me and felt a panic. But it didn't last long and the nurse I've gone through this with for the last 5 years was there and I knew she'd take good care of me. But I did quip to her that I was going to pass on chemo; she just laughed and kept on preping me. The first drug, Rituxan, was rough. It is supposed to fly in under the radar of the immune system and attach to CD20 receptors and KILL cancerous B-Cells. They start it slowly and then increase the flow. At about the second level I had an allergic reaction. After more benadryl and some other steroid, and an hour, it was started again. I had another reaction some time later and so more drugs. I was pretty whacked from Benadryl and the steroid. Then we started again. Finally, I got the job done but it had taken from 9-4. The next day I had the two other drugs in 2 hours with no problems.

All in all this first round went well. I was never nauseated and had no side-effects. Hopefully, the remaining 3-5 treatments will be the same however, I expect they won't. At some point I'll probably start losing hair. That will be a crisis of it's own I'm sure but I am trying to keep a positive attitude.

My friends have all been great by giving me encouraging words and promising prayers. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but there are positive effects of this and I am stronger because of them.

I will continue to contribute to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and the Prostate Cancer Foundation and encourage others to do likewise. We must find a cure, if not for me then for my children and grandchildren. I pray they will never suffer from this thing-cancer. Keep all cancer patients in your prayers. Some need them more than others. We all need prayer for some reason. There is an Irish proverb: May the blessings of each day be the blessings you need most.