Random Thoughts

Chemo today. Lasted 7 hours while several drugs were pumped into me. All I want to do is sleep and forget the pain in my stomach and the thoughts in my head but I can't sleep. The steroids are fighting the urge to sleep. I'm in a no mans land until they wear off.

One of the drugs, Vincristine, is made from flowers. Hard to believe such a beautiful flower makes such a potent cancer fighter.

Another of the drugs, adriamycin, is from Streptomyces peucetius is a bacterium species in the genus Streptomyces. It can cause irreversible heart damage in a fairly low lifetime dose. In my case the doctor will stop using it after 6 treatments and never again. It has been nicknamed "red devil".

I didn't know about chemo brain 13 treatments ago but I know now it cost me a good job. I could have used it in my favor but the boss was tainted and it wouldn't have worked in the long run. A vary narrow minded and exacting person. New as a supervisor, hopefully, she will mature but I rather doubt it. I heard a phrase today that applies; "I have a great memory but not for long" - another John getting treatment.

I can look forward to several more days of the blahs and digestive issues despite anti-nausea medication; GREAT.

I would love to go to the Tap Root and listen to good music but I just can't get motivated to do it. I really miss Spiff and Melissa Mitchell, the Whipsaws, and Evan Phillips. Miss the beer too! Alcohol ruins blood counts so is off limits as is caffeine.

When I was first diagnosed with CLL, I was told it was indolent and I could go years without treatment except that I had an aggressive form. Friday the doctor said my bone marrow biopsy showed that my disease had mutated into a more aggressive form. I'm not sure that I know what that means other than maybe the Lord will call me home before I'm ready. Saint Peter don't you call me cause I can't go :-P Guess I'd better use each day to the max and not worry about it. Father Tom says God is walking with me on this journey as I know others are but, hey, he's the Big Gun and what could be better? The life of a cancer patient is full of ups and downs just like with anyone else. The ups and downs seem to be more acute in our case. Some can see the end better than others. Some of us know it's out there but then so are other life threatening things. Just keep on keepin on.

I want to go back to the Philippines at least one more time. There are people in the barangay much worse off that me and I do my best to help them with donations to the Church there. Boxes of clothes are very welcome and I should start going to garage sales to find the right stuff in the right sizes. I've been wondering about a box at church and a bulletin entry asking for donations but the need is also here and I don't want to mess with that. So much to do!

Last thought. The life of a oncology nurse is tough! They get to know patients very well and then despite their best efforts the patient dies and a little part of them does too. They have to be compassionate yet tough. I don't envy them but I am extremely thankful for them. God bless them every day and hold them close for it is truly his work they do.